Happy Valentine’s Day, and welcome to my new website and blog!
If you’re here, I’m assuming you know a little bit about me and my book, Making Marriage Happy: Hard-Won Wisdom from Real Couples, that will be released on March 1st. (And if you don’t, check out ClaireVandePolder.com, which will tell you all you need to know.)
In a nutshell, the book is made up entirely of interviews with real couples on all the things they do in their marriages to keep them healthy and happy, day to day. We talk about a wide range of topics–little things like housekeeping and gift giving, all the way up to big things like conflict, money, romance, and more.
And let me make it clear: I’m no expert! (Just ask my long-suffering husband.)
I got interested in this topic because I was interested in what made happy couples happy. I started interviewing friends and found they had some things in common. I then broadened out to interview a wide and diverse group of couples.
In the end, the people in the interview group have collectively been married for a thousand years, all condensed into easy-to-read chapters.
In this blog I’m going to continue to share wisdom from real people. I call it “wisdom that works,” because it’s practical. It will contain real nuts and bolts. Actionable stuff you can use and share.
For my inaugural blog post, I’d like to share three Valentine’s Day gift ideas inspired by the book.
1. Create a shared experience that will delight your sweetheart.
From Making Marriage Happy: “Intangibles and shared experiences can sometimes make the best gifts.”
The couples in the book give several examples of intangible gifts that they treasure. In the early days of being together, one wife used to love it when her husband wrote long poems for her. Some couples have taken trips to mark special occasions.
You don’t have to spend a lot of money to share a novel experience with your partner. Go to your local zoo or art museum, just the two of you, if that’s not something you do regularly. Or be irresponsible and take your spouse out for unlimited ice cream for dinner. Or find an indoor skydiving experience that will get your blood pumping, but safely.
Make it pure fun, and give yourselves a new story to tell. That will make it memorable.
2. Identify a goal you can help your spouse achieve.
From Making Marriage Happy: “Marriage can be a superpower, helping people achieve individual goals they otherwise wouldn’t.”
The couples in the book talk about all the ways they’ve been strengthened to do more in life with their partner’s help. They’ve reached higher levels of education. They’ve run marathons. They’ve started businesses.
Maybe your partner has a crazy dream they keep talking about. What if you helped him or her actually achieve it? What if you mapped it out and helped devise the actual steps needed to make it happen? What if you committed to getting on board the dream and working side by side to make it a success?
A risk? Possibly. Maybe some guard rails need to be applied, but acknowledging that dream, believing in, encouraging, and supporting your partner’s desires is all upside, according to the happy couples in my book.
3. Say “yes.”
From Making Marriage Happy: “’Yes’ is a magic word.”
The happy couples I interviewed talk about the power of giving an affirmative “yes” to your spouse.
For example, one guy reveals that he took a vacation his wife really wanted to go on, even though it wasn’t the best financial decision. A woman says that she decided to say “yes” to accepting her husband’s friends. Another reveals that her husband will often accompany her on things he doesn’t necessarily want to go to, but then afterward he admits that he had a good time.
Saying “yes” feels different from saying, “Oh…okay.” “Yes” communicates enthusiasm, and it’s reassuring. It can sometimes be a shorthand way of saying, “I like being with you.”
What can you say “yes” to that would make your partner smile?
Maybe it’s taking that walk together after dinner. Maybe it’s turning off the TV, sitting by the fire, and talking about your day. Maybe it’s being ready next time you’re asked to do something you’re not sure you’d like to do, and then jumping at the chance to do something that matters to your partner.
What are you doing for Valentine’s Day? What kinds of gifts do you like to give? I’d love to hear your ideas so we can share them with each other.
And please join my contact list if you’d like to receive my newsletter with new blogs and other cool stuff. Here we go!
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