Hi, friends:
It’s the middle of a long, hot summer, and I hope you’re all finding safe ways to get out a little more this year than last.
I’ve got one piece of Wisdom That Works for this month, and I got a little jolt when I stumbled across it in the Washington Post Book Club’s newsletter, written by Ron Charles.It was a short news item about the daughter of the late author Sylvia Plath.
Plath was married to poet Ted Hughes, and their relationship became a tragic legend of depression, abuse, and suicide. The couple’s only surviving child, daughter Frieda Hughes, inherited her parents’ estate. Last year’s long COVID lockdown sent her deep into house cleaning mode, which made her reflect on her treasures.
From the article:
‘”I’m kind of shocked that I’m 61,” Frieda says. “I know that the years behind me likely outnumber the years ahead.” She began to feel the full weight of maintaining the complicated stories attached to each letter, photo, and object from her famous parents. “One day, my stuff is just going to be stuff,” she says. “When we go, everything else suddenly ceases to have meaning.” Resisting the urge to hold anything back, she turned all these cherished items over to Sotheby’s [for auction]. She’s comforted by “the absolute certainty that the people who acquire them will maintain that little cosmos of history around each object.”’
“Little cosmos of history around each object.”
Even our stuff has a story.
Not all of it’s precious, of course. The IKEA bookcases I got in my 20’s, for example, are remarkable only because they’re somehow still intact.
But the good stuff? It’ll only survive in the way we hope if we send it off with its meaning attached.
My mom was in her 80s when she died a few years ago, and all her life she kept a miniature china tea set she’d had when she was a little girl. When she left us, I couldn’t bear to part with it, knowing she’d kept it for so long.
It took me more than a year before I was ready to really sit down and look at it objectively. It was not pristine. The tiny teapot, sugar bowl, creamer jug, cups, and saucers had clearly been well loved–judging by the many chips, cracks, and breaks fixed with glue.
Only the sugar bowl, about the width of a golf ball, was in perfect condition. I decided to keep only this item from the set, which made it easier to part with the rest.
That sweet, petite sugar bowl with a sailboat image in the bottom now lives in my jewelry box and holds my rings.
And when I see it, I picture my mom as a little girl in the 1930’s having a tea party. It makes me happy, and I think she’d be pleased that some piece of it survived.
All of this has made me resolve to give away some of my own things, starting now, while I’m of mostly sound mind and have stories to tell.
It won’t be dramatic. And I won’t do it all at once.
But it’s comforting to think about giving an item away that would bring a smile to someone while I’m living to see it.
And the more I think it over, the more I like the idea of telling the stories of my things in good times, and not in the context of illness or a funeral.
Changing gears:
In book news, I was recently privileged to be a guest on a podcast I really like called “The Rabbi and the Shrink: Everyday Ethics Unscripted.”I’ve known psychologist Dr. Margarita Gurri for a few years now, and she’s an amazing woman: a Catholic, Cuban-American grandmother who’s a gifted speaker and also a black belt!
She and Rabbi Yonason Goldson spend their podcast talking about ethics from their particular points of view.
The topic of my episode was ethics in marriage. I’d never even thought about that! But ethics is all about how we treat each other, so there was plenty to talk about. I hope you’ll check out the episode here.
Until next time,
Claire
PS: the bullets.
• The more reviews a book has, the more successful it is, and Making Marriage Happy still needs more reviews on Amazon. If you don’t know about the book, here’s recent feedback from one reader: We loved reading Making Marriage Happy during our engagement! Most of the other books talk about what worked for just the couple that wrote it. This one gives a wide range of what works for different couples. It made me feel more confident in our relationship knowing that not all couples follow the same “cookie-cutter” marriage advice. It was the only relationship book my husband actually enjoyed reading!
Other readers, some long married, say the book has helped them see things from their spouse’s point of view, or they learned to think about some of their struggles a little differently. Contact me here for a complimentary e-book review copy. There is no obligation. I provide the book, you read it, and then it’s your choice whether or not to leave a review. Worst-case scenario: free e-book!
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